When you want to write a blog post but can't...

you write a blog post about how you can't write a blog post, of course.

That sentence was confusing, apt because I am trying to break out of a perplexing mindset: when I know that I want to create but I am unsure what to create.

I have had an urge over the last two days to write a blog post or two. This feeling comes after a productive month in terms of writing. I have produced many pieces of which I am sincerely proud. I am left questioning what is next. What should I write now?

When I want to write a blog post but have no topic ideas in mind, I go back and forth trying to find the right topic about which to write. I may open my editor a few times, write a few words, and never find a topic that sticks. I do the same with coding, too. I will decide on a challenge, go to start, and realise that it doesn't feel right to continue.

This feeling, I think, is my mind telling me that I am pushing myself.

Finding words as joyful as I do, and the endeavour of writing, is, as with many things, a double-edged sword. When I write, I am happy. When I do not know what to write, but would like to write, I am conflicted; confused. I feel different. I am not lacking in motivation, rather inspiration. I may have ideas, but not one that I want to explore more.

I have noticed this feeling comes after periods of heightened productivity. I wrote many blog posts in December. Part of me wants to keep writing to maintain the sense of pleasure I get from publishing. But the pleasure isn't from publishing so much as it is in having written a piece of content that makes me feel proud. My writing needs to be fueled by love, intrigue, curiosity, or a desire to help communicate a topic that is on my mind.

Part of my feeling of discomfort may stem from the extent to which I associate my happiness with productivity. When I write, I feel great; when I don't write, I feel off. Like I could be doing something but am not. Writing is not the typing of words to the proverbial digital page. Writing is the exploration of what you have experienced and learned. I need to get better at understanding that having novel experiences and taking in new information is a prerequisite to writing well.

As much as I try, asking myself "what can I write next?" after I have already done so much is never the solution. Perhaps you feel this way too: you make something of which you are proud, then you ask "what next?" A question to which you don't know the answer and you end up feeling a bit strange. I sometimes feel down because I have an itch -- I want to write -- but I don't quite know how to scratch it.

The cure has thus far been time. When I try to force myself, I give up quickly. Then, one day, at random, an idea strikes. Maybe I combine two new ideas. Or hear an interesting conversation that sparks a blog post. Or see something interesting that I want to write about. Or, ad infinitum. There is always a next concept to explore, topic to document, question to answer. I give myself permission to wait until I figure out what topic I want to talk about next. Writing is not to be forced.